[identity profile] brigantine.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] ds_team_angst
I hope it's okay to post this. It's sort of a Team Angst joke.

Title: Ray's Big Adventure
Author: Brigantine
Pairing: F/K
Rating: G
Warning: Way past my bedtime on a work night.
Feedback: is as nifty as a fresh donut
Disclaimer: Not my boys, but I like to show them a good time.
Summary: Ray tries to make friends with Frannie's computer. Dief has his own agenda.

A/N: I did the drowning sidekick. Sageness created the drowning Mountie and the alligators. Omphale23 remains an unapologetic enabler. It went right downhill from there. I've written this very quickly in a post-last-minute-editing haze, so please forgive the romanceyness. And the mistakes.

The comments that started it all are here:


"Well, Ray, the reports are typed up, and all we need is for you... to... sign... Ray, what are you doing?"

Diefenbaker trots behind Fraser, nosing at the papers he carries. He sighs disappointedly. Utterly inedible.

In the dark of the deserted bullpen Ray hunches over the keyboard. "I'm tryin' to make friends with Frannie's computer."

Fraser leans over Ray's right shoulder. He smells like coffee and leftover pizza. It's wonderful. "We've been awake for nearly seventy two hours, and it's after four in the morning. How can you concentrate?"

"How can you type?"

"I..." Fraser scratches at an eyebrow.

"Aha. Gotcha." Ray shrugs, " I got enough caffeine in me for another six hours at least. I figured since the only folks around besides us are the poor guys out front on night shift, I'd poke around while no one can hear me cuss."

"Except me."

"You were busy."

"What are you doing with these odd keyboard characters?"

"I'm makin' a story."

Fraser squints doubtfully at the computer screen. "Indeed?"

"I discovered the Help function and the Option key," Ray explains triumphantly. "See, this is us in the ocean. You're the one with the squiggle on his head."

"Is that my hat?"

"Yeah. And those are alligators."

–÷÷< \õ/ \o/ >÷÷–

The spikes of Ray's hair tickle Fraser's chin. "We're drowning while being attacked by alligators? That's kind of morbid, Ray."

"Well yeah, but see..." Ray points a long forefinger at the screen. "Dief comes along and chases away the alligators."

^••^ ≠ –÷÷<

Diefenbaker jumps up to rest his forepaws on the edge of the desk. His jaws open in an expression of keen interest.

"Your Diefenbaker is very large," Fraser observes with an amused smirk.

"Yeah, I tried ways to make him more our size, but he kept looking like he was wearing a tiara, instead of ears."

"Oh dear," Fraser agrees.

Dief rumbles at Fraser. He doesn't see why size should be an issue.

"And then there's a hungry whale," Ray continues.

><>∑ \õ/ \o/ ^••^

"Ray, I hate to ruin your story, but it's highly unlikely that any whale would be interested in eating us."

"Oh yeah? Tell that to Captain Ahab. You want a wooden leg, Fraser?"

"Well no, but--this looks rather complicated."

∆5/1∆--- ><>∑√ \õ/ \o/ ^••^

"This is all of us being rescued by the Fifth Marines."

"Marines? Not the Navy?"

"Marines go on the water, Fraser. See, they show up in a great big sailing ship--" Ray's eloquent hands frame a great big ship in the air above Francesca's keyboard.

"Like the Bounty?"

Ray bounces in his seat, his head nudging Fraser's chin. "Exactly! Only there's Marines, not Mounties. And they catch the whale with a giant fish hook, and we're all saved."

Fraser decides against the lecture on whale conservation and instead points to the next string of odd symbols. "And then? What's the omega symbol for?"

Ω #309 \o/ π \õ/ ^••^

"And then," Ray says happily, "the Marines take us home. That's what the omega symbol is for, 'cause it means the end, and home is where everybody wants to end up."

"Oh, I see." The rather disconcerting part of it is, he genuinely does. "And then what? The number 309 is your apartment, right?"

"Right! The Marines take us home, and we have pie."

Fraser grins, "Pi. Of course."

Diefenbaker warbles interrogatively.

"Yes," Ray assures him. "We all get to eat the pie. D'you prefer apple, or peach?"

Diefenbaker scoots forward and noses at the keyboard. Apple pie with melted cheddar would be a little slice of heaven.

"And here? What are the brackets for? Is that still us?"

Ray clears his throat, and by the light of the computer screen Fraser can see him turning slightly pink.

"Um, that's us in the kitchen with me licking pie filling off your face."

{\õo/} –^••^–

Fraser feels a little thrill in his middle. Licking? Ray has thought about Fraser and licking? He bends low and rests his cheek very near Ray's. "And our arms are waving because..?"

"'Cause, uh, 'cause it's really good pie filling." Ray fidgets like a guilty eight-year-old. "Yay! Pie filling! See?"

"Ah-huh. And Dief?"

"Dief's watching us from over the back of the couch. 'Cause he does that."

Fraser decides that the moment is nigh. Carpe diem, by heck. "You know," he suggests, "Stoltz's bakery opens in about an hour."

Ray turns his head, blinking in a vain attempt to focus on Fraser's face this close up. "Do they have pie this early?"

"No," Fraser says encouragingly, "but they'll surely have jelly donuts. Very, very messy, I expect."

Ray gulps, rapidly turning an attractive shade of crimson. "Oh. Okay. That sounds real good."

"I'll fetch our coats," Fraser says. If there's a surprising bounce in his step for four-fifty-three a.m, well, Ray's got three days of lovely blonde beard stubble, and licking is imminent. So there you are.

Dief yips and wriggles at the thought of an early breakfast.

Ray grins at him and turns his attention back to the keyboard. "Hey, Dief. How's this?"

^••^ + ∞ = ^••^\|/

"Dief plus cruller equals happy wolf."

Dief barks his approval at the computer screen. First pretend alligators, then pretend pie, and now real jelly donuts. Ray is a genius.

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